When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question

Welcome to Effective Habits, a weekly newsletter where I share evidence-based strategies and tools to help you live a happy, healthy, and productive life.

Today at a Glance:

• When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question

• The Single Greatest Habit You Can Build

• Should You Target the Minimum?

When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question
Jancee Dunn

Lights, Camera, ...
Ever had that moment when your loved one is upset and you desperately want to help, but you're not sure how? Well, here's a game-changing technique: just ask them, "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?" I am a problem solver and always try to fix things. Sometimes, however, people don't want you to fix their problems. They just want you to be there with them. Turns out, offering different types of support—whether it's a comforting embrace, thoughtful advice, or simply lending an empathetic ear—can make all the difference. It's about understanding that everyone copes differently and has unique needs.

Action!

• When someone you love is upset or comes to you with a problem, ask, "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?

  • Helped: Deconstruct the problem and identify potential solutions.

  • Heard: Listen intently and allow the other person to express (and vent) as needed.

  • Hugged: Provide comforting physical touch. They just want to feel your presence with them.

The Single Greatest Habit You Can Build
Sahil Bloom

Lights, Camera, ...
Step into the footsteps of history's greatest minds and embrace the power of walking! From philosophers like Aristotle, who strolled while imparting wisdom, to visionaries like Steve Jobs, who found their best ideas while pacing, the simple act of walking has proven to unlock mental, physical, and creative potential. Scientific studies back it up, revealing that walking boosts creative thinking by a whopping 60%, enhances cognitive performance, fosters deeper social connections during walking meetings, reduces the risk of mortality and cardiovascular issues, and even improves memory retention. Imagine the possibilities! So, lace up your shoes, step outside, and let your mind wander. The journey begins with a single step—what are you waiting for?

Action!

1. Make Use of Break Walks: Take advantage of short breaks by incorporating 5-10 minute walks in between meetings, after meals, or before important presentations. Start implementing Break Walks into your schedule right away—they offer significant benefits for minimal time commitment.

2. Engage in Active Walks: Set aside 30-60 minutes for brisk-paced walks while optionally using technology like audiobooks or podcasts. Use this time to focus on specific topics or problems you want to work through.

3. Embrace Passive "Tech-Free" Walks: Dedicate 30-60 minutes to leisurely walks with no specific goal in mind. Let your mind wander freely and allow ideas to flow. Consider carrying a pocket notebook to jot down any interesting thoughts that arise during these walks.

4. Experience Morning Sunlight Walks: Begin some of your days with a 15-20 minute walk in the morning sunlight. This simple routine boosts your mood, regulates your circadian rhythm, improves metabolism, aids digestion, and more.

Should You Target the Minimum?
Scott H. Young

Lights, Camera, ...
In the quest for achieving goals and forming habits, there are three intriguing approaches to consider: targeting the minimum, targeting the average, and targeting the maximum. When you aim for the minimum, the key is to focus on doing at least a little bit consistently, allowing those small efforts to accumulate into significant gains. It's like the art of patience and endurance, steadily building stable, long-term habits. On the other hand, targeting the average revolves around sustaining your current efforts but expecting more from yourself over a longer period. It's about striving for improvement without obsessing over perfection, keeping the momentum going. And then there's targeting the maximum, a thrilling sprint that pushes you to surmount intense thresholds, expand your potential, and achieve peak performance. However, it requires an all-in mentality, as bursts of high intensity are not sustainable in the long run. So, whether you embrace the endurance of the minimum, the growth mindset of the average, or the exhilaration of the maximum, the choice ultimately depends on your unique circumstances and goals.

Action!

1. Target the Minimum when:

   1. The status quo is zero or very low effort.

   2. Establishing stable, long-term habits is the goal.

   3. Starting is the most challenging part.

2. Target the Average when:

   1. You're already putting in a fair amount of effort.

   2. Sustaining and improving current efforts is the aim.

   3. Long-term focus is required, even if consistency varies.

3. Target the Maximum when:

   1. Intense effort, planning, and potential frustration are needed.

   2. Reaching personal bests or peak performance is the objective.

   3. Sustainability is not expected (at least not at this level)

TOOL TIP

Spacedrive: A free online tool that let's you combine your drives and clouds into one database that you can organize and explore from any device.

FUN FACT

Why you swing your arms when you walk: it’s more efficient! Keeping your arms in sync with your legs⁠—extending your left arm when you take a step with your left foot⁠—takes 26% more energy.

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult a medical professional for advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We are not liable for any risks or issues that may arise from using this information.