Stuck on a Grudge? Read This

Letting go of grudges, the impact of improved fitness on energy expenditure, and automating good choices

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Stuck on a Grudge? Read This

Welcome to Effective Habits, a weekly newsletter where I share evidence-based strategies and tools to help you live a happy, healthy, and productive life.

Today at a Glance:

  • Leave The Hurt Behind! How to Let Go of a Grudge

  • How Does Improving Your Fitness Impact TDEE?

  • Automating Good Choices

“To understand others, watch what they reward. To understand yourself, watch what you envy.”

James Clear

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Holding a grudge may feel justified or even comforting at first, but over time it often weighs more heavily on the one holding it than on the person who caused the hurt. Psychologists note that grudges can lead to stress, poor sleep, and even depression, while forgiveness is linked to better mental and physical health. While it's natural to feel angry after being wronged, clinging to resentment can quietly shape your outlook and relationships in harmful ways. Letting go doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior—it simply means choosing peace over bitterness. In the end, forgiveness is less about them, and more about freeing yourself.

Action!

  • When a grudge resurfaces, pause and attempt to let go. Practice a relaxation technique—like deep breathing—to calm your stress response. Then, name exactly what you're angry about, acknowledge that it likely can’t be changed, and ask yourself: If this were happening to a friend, what would I advise them? Finally, try to see the person who wronged you as more than the act—they are also a human being with flaws and wounds. This shift can begin to soften your perspective and help you let go. Also, remember that forgiveness and getting justice aren’t mutually exclusive.

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As you get fitter, your body becomes more efficient, so you actually burn fewer calories doing the same workout, but because you can push harder—running faster, longer, or lifting heavier—you usually end up with a higher total daily energy expenditure (TDEE). However, this boost isn’t as big as you might think because your body compensates by conserving energy elsewhere, like being less active the rest of the day, and it even downregulates metabolism during extreme training. So, while improved fitness lets you do more and burn more, your total daily calorie burn is carefully balanced by these natural “energy-saving” mechanisms, meaning to keep increasing calorie burn, you need to consistently challenge yourself beyond your current limits.

Action!

  • To maintain your calorie burn as you get fitter (and continue maintaining or losing weight), progressively challenge yourself by increasing workout intensity or duration.

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Want better habits without relying on willpower or motivation? Nudge Theory suggests small changes in your environment can make good choices automatic. Instead of forcing discipline, you can design your surroundings to support better sleep, focus, or productivity—like moving your phone out of the bedroom or making distracting apps less appealing. These subtle shifts can lead to lasting improvements with minimal effort. It’s not about trying harder—it’s about setting up smarter defaults.

Action!

  1. Wealth Nudges

  • Round up your purchases and automatically invest the spare change.

  • Set up automatic paycheck contributions to retirement and savings accounts.

  • Increase your savings rate every time you get a raise to avoid lifestyle creep.

  • Enable automatic bill payments to prevent late fees.

  1. Health Nudges

  • Place fruits and healthy snacks at eye level; hide the unhealthy ones.

  • Lay out workout clothes the night before to make morning exercise easier.

  • Keep a full water bottle within reach to stay hydrated.

  • Prepay for group workout classes to increase commitment.

  1. Relationship Nudges

  • Set recurring reminders for birthdays and important dates.

  • Ask engaging questions like “What’s been exciting for you lately?” instead of “How are you?”

  • Send voice memos instead of texts to foster deeper connection.

  • Schedule a monthly “Life Dinner” with your partner to align on goals and priorities.

  1. Career Nudges

  • Block one meeting-free day each week for focused, deep work.

  • Turn off non-essential notifications to reduce interruptions.

  • Reserve 30–60 minutes weekly for professional learning or skill-building.

  • Maintain a “Brag Document” to track achievements and growth.

TOOL TIP

Reject Cookies: Automatically rejects cookie popups on websites. More specifically, it attempts to reject all non-essential cookies on consent banners or pop ups. If the extension is unable to reject optional cookies it will not consent to any and attempt to close the pop up or banner on the page.

FUN FACT

Bacteria on your skin cause your itches. Specifically, bacteria known as Staphylococcus aureus can release a chemical that activates a protein in our nerves. This sends a signal from our skin to our brains, which our brain perceives as an itch.

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult a medical professional for advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We are not liable for any risks or issues that may arise from using this information.

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