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The One Question to Ask Before Seeing Your Partner

Welcome to Effective Habits, a weekly newsletter where I share evidence-based strategies and tools to help you live a happy, healthy, and productive life.

Today at a Glance:

• Rich In Healthy Relationships

• This Is How To Have A Long Awesome Life: 4 Secrets From Research

• Framework to Avoid the Lost War: The Pyrrhic Victory

Rich In Healthy Relationships
Jade Bonacolta

Lights, Camera, ...
A strong, healthy relationship isn’t about splitting everything 50/50—it’s about communication, support, and understanding. Bestselling author Brené Brown challenges the common belief that relationships should always be equal, arguing that life’s ups and downs make perfect balance impossible. Instead, she and her husband “check in” by sharing their energy levels, helping them navigate tough days with honesty and empathy. This approach fosters self-awareness, clear communication, and mutual support, ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued. Rather than expecting perfection, the key is to show up, be honest, and ask for what you need.

Action!

1. Check in with yourself. Before seeing your partner, take two minutes to assess your energy, patience, and kindness levels. Ask yourself: How much can I realistically give to our relationship today? Aim for 100%, but be honest if you’re running low.

2. Ask your partner where they’re at. Have a quick check-in and share your energy levels. If you’re at 10% but your partner had a fantastic day, they might say Don’t worry— I’ve got the 90% tonight. They can step up by handling tasks, offering support, or simply being present.

3. Create a “plan of kindness” if needed. If both of you are running on empty and below 50%, acknowledge it and decide together how to recharge. Find ways to avoid accidentally hurting each other and show each other compassion.

This Is How To Have A Long Awesome Life: 4 Secrets From Research
Eric Barker

Lights, Camera, ...
Want to live a long, awesome life? Science says it’s simple: stay healthy. Aging isn’t a downward spiral—it’s just your free trial of youth expiring, and now you’ve got to work for those premium features. The good news? A two-year study found that older adults who ate a balanced diet, exercised regularly, and kept their minds active saw massive boosts in memory (40%), brainpower (83%), and processing speed (150%)—while those who didn’t declined by 30%. Plus, feeling younger literally makes you sharper. So embrace nostalgia, stay active, and ignore anyone telling you to “act your age.”

Action!

1. Prioritize Meaningful Social Connections – Spend time with people who genuinely care about you and avoid toxic relationships. Make an effort to mentor younger individuals—it benefits them and keeps you mentally engaged while reducing stress and anxiety.

2. Exercise Regularly and Get Quality Sleep – Aim for consistent physical activity, even simple activities like walking. Commit to 7-8 hours of good quality sleep each night, maintain a steady sleep schedule, and create a restful environment by limiting caffeine, alcohol, and screen time before bed.

3. Follow a Brain-Boosting Diet – Adopt a Mediterranean-style diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish, and healthy fats like olive oil and nuts. As long as you stay within energy balance, this eating pattern improves heart health, cognitive function, and overall longevity.

4. Engage in Lifelong Learning and Mental Challenges – Keep your brain active by working, learning, debating, or taking on new challenges. Engage in productive discussions that challenge your perspectives, read books instead of scrolling endlessly, and stay mentally stimulated to lower your risk of cognitive decline. Retirement isn’t about slowing down—it’s about finding new ways to stay sharp and engaged.

Framework to Avoid the Lost War: The Pyrrhic Victory
Sahil Bloom

Lights, Camera, ...
Don't win battles just to lose the war. In the 3rd century BC, King Pyrrhus of Epirus won a brutal fight against Rome but lost so many soldiers that he famously declared, “Another such victory and we are undone!” Forced to retreat, his short-lived triumph left him with nothing. Today, a “Pyrrhic victory” describes achieving success at an unsustainable cost—like becoming a CEO but losing your health, relationships, and happiness along the way. So, as you chase your goals, ask yourself: Are you winning battles that will cost you the war? Prioritize what truly matters.

Action!

• Before pursuing any goal, ask yourself: Will winning this battle help me win the war? Pursue success without sacrificing health, relationships, or fulfillment in the longterm. Regularly assess if your victories align with a sustainable, meaningful life.

TOOL TIP

Sketchplanations: An excellent website that explains complex ideas through fun and insightful sketches.

FUN FACT

Hippos create their own sunscreen. The pigments in their skin (one which has been named hipposudoric acid) help absorb harmful UV rays. This secretion has anti-bacterial components as well. Hippos still need to stay well hydrated, which is why you probably find them in water or covered in mud!

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult a medical professional for advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We are not liable for any risks or issues that may arise from using this information.