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Why Your Resolutions Fail (And How to Fix Them)

Welcome to Effective Habits, a weekly newsletter where I share evidence-based strategies and tools to help you live a happy, healthy, and productive life.

Today at a Glance:

• How to Support Someone with Depression

• Underfueling Shifts Metabolism and Compromises Exercise Performance

• How to Make Resolutions That Might Actually Stick

How to Support Someone with Depression
Dr. Emma Cotterill

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Supporting someone with depression can feel daunting, but your presence matters more than you know. Depression, a condition that affects millions globally, often cloaks itself in sadness, withdrawal, fatigue, or even apparent normalcy, convincing those affected that they’re alone or unworthy of care. By simply showing up—listening without judgment, offering practical help, or gently encouraging professional support—you challenge that isolating narrative. Your support creates a lifeline, offering connection, compassion, and hope. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” them but being a steady, empathetic presence in their corner. Even small gestures can be lifesaving, reminding them they matter and are not alone in their journey toward recovery.

Action!

1. Initiate Open Conversations About Depression. If you're concerned, gently ask how the person is feeling and share observations like: "I've noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately." If depression has already been identified, use externalizing language to separate the person from the condition, such as: "How is the depression affecting you today?" Reassure them that you're there to listen without judgment.

2. Encourage Professional Support. Gently suggest external help when appropriate, such as therapy, medical advice, or practical assistance. Offer to help them research options or accompany them to appointments. If they resist but are at risk of harm, contact crisis services immediately. Use compassionate language like: "Would it help if I suggested some ideas for support?" or "I'm here to help you explore what might work."

3. Acknowledge and Challenge Negative Thoughts. Help the person recognize that negative thoughts stem from depression, not their true self. Use phrases like: "It sounds like the depression is telling you unkind things." With their permission, point out when the depression's voice appears, and work together to challenge it.

4. Address Suicidal Thoughts Directly. If you're worried about suicide, ask directly but gently. Use phrases like: "Are you having thoughts about not wanting to live?" If they disclose suicidal thoughts, stay calm, compassionate, and seek to understand their feelings. Ask clarifying questions about intent or plans and seek professional help if there’s immediate risk.

5. Be Present During Difficult Emotions. When they share heavy feelings, listen without trying to fix them. Validate their emotions with statements like: "That sounds really tough. I’m here for you." Your presence can help them feel less isolated and more supported.

6. Offer Practical Assistance. Help lighten their load by offering support with daily tasks like cooking, cleaning, or shopping. Frame your offer as optional: "Can I help with [specific task]?" This support can be especially valuable during overwhelming periods.

7. Encourage Gentle Actions Together. Support them in engaging in manageable activities like taking a short walk, cooking a meal, or attending a social event. Suggest activities based on their comfort level, and offer to participate: "Would it help if we tackled this together?" Gradual involvement in tasks can improve mood and functioning.

8. Maintain Contact Regularly. Stay connected even if they withdraw. Send messages, make calls, or plan visits, emphasizing there's no pressure to respond: "I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk or meet." Celebrate any effort they make to reconnect without criticism.

9. Practice Kindness and Self-Care. Stay compassionate even when supporting them feels challenging. Remind yourself that depression is complex and not their fault. Take breaks, seek your own support, and care for your well-being to sustain your empathy. Reaffirm your commitment with messages like: "I’ll keep showing up for you, no matter how tough it gets."

Underfueling Shifts Metabolism and Compromises Exercise Performance
Brady Holmer

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Underfueling—whether from ramping up exercise without increasing calorie intake, dieting, or both—can disrupt metabolism, weaken performance, and lead to injuries or fatigue. This isn’t just an issue for elite athletes; anyone increasing physical activity or cutting calories, especially during weight loss efforts in the new year, should take note. When the body doesn’t have enough energy left after exercise to support essential functions, it enters a state of low energy availability (LEA). Over time, this can harm metabolism, immune function, and even heart health. A recent study found that just two weeks of underfueling reduced exercise performance significantly, and even after days of proper refueling, the effects lingered. While short-term calorie deficits might be fine, prolonged underfueling can sabotage progress, causing muscle loss, injuries, and persistent fatigue. Whether you’re training for a race or starting a fitness journey, balance your physical activities with adequate energy intake to stay healthy, recover effectively, and perform at your best.

Action!

• Ensure your energy intake matches your physical activity level by eating enough nutrient-rich foods (especially carbs and protein) to support your training, recovery, and overall health. Prioritize balance: avoid prolonged and/or excessive calorie deficits, especially during intense exercise phases, and focus on consistent refueling to prevent fatigue, injury, and performance declines.

How to Make Resolutions That Might Actually Stick
David Epstein

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Resolutions are often fueled by the “fresh start effect,” the motivation sparked by a new beginning, like the start of a year. However, vague aspirations rarely stick without actionable steps. Research suggests that small, specific, and actionable goals work better than broad, transformative aspirations. For example, instead of aiming to “get fit,” commit to walking 20 minutes daily. Focusing on approach goals—adding positive actions rather than avoiding negatives—can also increase success. Reflection is crucial; if a resolution doesn’t stick, revisit it, identify obstacles, and adjust rather than abandoning it altogether. Ultimately, persistence and iteration matter more than perfection—change is a process, not a moment.

Action!

1. Set Specific, Granular Goals: Break big goals into clear, actionable steps (e.g., “Run 3 times a week” instead of “Get fit”).

2. Focus on Process Over Outcomes: Prioritize habits or routines that lead to the desired result, rather than fixating on the end goal.

3. Choose Positive, Approach-Oriented Goals: Aim to build new habits (e.g., “Read 30 minutes daily”) rather than just avoiding behaviors (e.g., “Stop procrastinating”).

4. Reflect and Adjust Regularly: Review your progress periodically (e.g., monthly), identify obstacles, and adapt your approach rather than quitting entirely.

5. Combine Replacement Strategies: Swap negative habits for positive alternatives (e.g., “Replace scrolling with reading a book”).

6. Start Small and Iterate: Focus on lasting, incremental changes instead of dramatic shifts.

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult a medical professional for advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We are not liable for any risks or issues that may arise from using this information.